Stories from the Humour Book of Harry Potter
by Shock
Summary: A collection of humorous stories collected by Harry over the years...
1. Harry Potter and the Translucent Clothin...

Fifty years after the occurances in The Philosopher's Stone, Harry is a grandfather and the whole family is having a reunion.  
  
Story #1: Harry Potter and the Translucent Clothing Potion:  
  
Harry and his family were gathered around the magical fire. Harry was surrounded by his little grandchildren who were eagerly listening to his exciting stories.  
"... and that was my incident with THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS."  
Almost in relief from the suspensive story, the children breathed deeply out.  
"So, do you want to hear another one? This one's funny!"  
In chorus, Harry's grandchildren shouted, "YES!"  
"Ok... so here goes.....  
I was in one of Professor Snape's potions classes. Snape was giving a long lecture about how to make a Green-Tongue potion, and I was nodding to sleep. I fell forward into the potion I had made earlier in class, accidentally drinking some of it. Next to me, a slip of paper read: Translucent Clothing Potion. Warning: Fines caused by this potion are not liable to the potion instruction's producer.   
"Harry! Why is your head in the potion?" the class giggled when they saw me asleep in the pot. Hermione gently nudged me, and I sleepily woke up. "Get out of my class! NOW!!"  
I got out of my seat, and, not realizing that his clothing was translucent, got up and left the room. The class cracked up after I had left. I went sleepily to the dorms, as the class took place after supper. I was walking down the hall, wondering why everyone was staring at him as he walked by. I walked into his dorm, and got into bed. I didn't feel like doing his homework. I took off his clothes to change into my sleeping clothes, still not noticing that my clothes were translucent. I went to bed. When I looked down to my covers, I screamed."  
When Harry finished his story, all his grandchildren were rolling around on the floor laughing.   
"Well, I guess its late tonight... better go to sleep now, all of you."  
"Aww.... do we have to?"  
"Yes, your parents will be angry if you don't."  
The children reluctantly went up to stairs and went to bed...  
  
Well what do you think? Should I continue and write more stories? 


	2. Malfoy's Transfomation

"Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle were walking arrogantly down the hall during a break one day, and saw their arch enemy Harry Potter.  
"Hey Harry, watcha doing outside? You're DISTURBING THE PEACE!" said Malfoy. Crabbe and Goyle cracked up, snorting and generally acting like pigs/hogs. Malfoy shoved me into the wall. I was already mad at Malfoy because he had gotten me in trouble with Snape, but this was the catalyst. I pulled out my wand, and figured out the transformation spell. Whispering it so as not to be caught, I shot a green silvery light out of his wand, which spread and hit Malfoy and his sidekicks. Their bodies flashed for a second, and in their places three butterflies appeared. They flittered angrily around my head, who ignored them and walked off to the Gryffindor dormitories. Giving up, the butterflies flittered off. A Ravenclaw who had seen what had happened decided to have a little fun with the unfourtunate targets. He shot a bolt of lightning at the three, and they dropped to the floor, partly paralyzed. A running Gryffindor accidentally stepped on the butterflies while trying to catch up with his friends, walking ahead of him. The crippled butterflies barely made it off the ground, and left Hogwarts and flew into the sky." 


	3. Butter Beer

This one's kinda weird....   
Chapter 3: Butter Beer  
  
"I was on a much valued break during which I didn't go home to my "family". And I knew exactly what I was going to do. I was going to get some BUTTER BEER! When I sat down, I ordered myself a bottle of butter beer (which the waiter looked strangely at me for), because Malfoy had said that he would give me twenty gold pieces (don't ask me what they're called) because he was sure I wouldn't be able to, and I wanted to prove him wrong. When the bottle arrived, I poured myself a cup, and drained it down quickly. I then drank another cup, just as quickly as the first. When I was pouring the third cup, I found that I had trouble getting all the beer into my cup. I wondered what the people had put into it, but told myself it was nothing and continued drinking. On the fifth glass, I knew something was very wrong. Everything around me looked contorted, and I seemed to grow taller. I stood up, banging myself on the light above the table. I cussed loudly, something I normally didn't do. When I tried to get out between the chair and table, I banged my thighs. I cussed loudly again. By this time, all the people around me were staring at me, wondering why and annoyed at the fact that such a young person would be drunk. Of course I grew angry at this and shouted at all of them to make them stop. The owner of the restaurant became angry and pulled me out of the restaurant. Fully drunk now, I shouted at him to get him to let go of me, and punched him. Stunned, he let me go. I wandered off, eventually fainting from exhaustion, since I had wandered far off. When I didn't get back for two hours, Hermione & Ron came out to look for me. They found me, and dragged me into my bed. When I woke up, everyone was giggling and making fun of me... some had even said that I should go see a councilor to get myself off alcohol. I had a terrible headache."  



End file.
